Fuck you, future me.

Fuck you, future me.

Today, I took the last ice out of the ice cube tray. I just tossed the tray back in the freezer without refilling it, thinking I’d refill it later.  I thought about it for a split second, got honest with myself, and realized that I would undoubtedly forget about the ice cubes until next time I needed to cool my tea quick before work.  And that would make me sad, really REALLY sad, on a Monday morning when that tea might be the highlight of my day.

 

I realized that not filling it now was saying a big old “Fuck you” to future me.

 

So I refilled the damn tray.  It took seconds of effort, and now future me has ice cubes.  Because I am a fucking adult, and as an adult, sometimes I have to put in some effort to make future me happy.

 

For so long… SO LONG, I made decisions that were a big, giant “Fuck you” to future me.  Those decisions are now what current me is stuck with.  I ate the shittiest foods imaginable with no regard for my health, much less my happiness and confidence.  My exercise habits could best be described as nonexistant.  My blood pressure was through the roof.  It was an ugly time.

 

Sometimes, I think about my weight in high school, when I thought I was just SO fat.  I was 185 lbs.  But gradually, between 2005 and 2013 I gained 155 lbs.  I gained my entire goal weight plus a little.  I gained that weight with a long series, a marathon in fact, of daily little “fuck yous” to future me.

 

Now that I am losing, I think about it as a kind of weird time reversal.  I am working my ass off to not only make decisions future me will be proud of, but to remove the damage done by the me of the past.  It’s hard, but I get a little further daily, and at a certain point, I will be at a weight that was even healthier than I was in high school.

 

I realized something when I filled that ice cube tray today.  Being an adult means that you stop thinking solely about what you want right now, and you start thinking about your future.  You make some changes to be the person that future you will be grateful for.  And one at a time those decisions lead to your life.  At the end of the day, you decide who you want to be, one decision at a time, and that decision leads to who you are right now.

 

Fill your trays when you empty them.  Make a decision today, tomorrow, and going forward that will lead to the life you want.

 

 

 

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Carolyn Hinshaw (2 years ago)

Can I just say that I love your blog? You inspire me with every post.

    Ashley (2 years ago)

    THANK YOU! Sometimes I wonder if anyone is actually reading it, but I keep posting because it keeps ME motivated. Thanks for reading, commenting, and being awesome!

Danielle (2 years ago)

Ashley, we are friends on MFP and you are my constant inspiration… Some of the time I hate you… Because you come up on that newsfeed feed every day while I’m slacking off on my calorie counts.. But the majority of those times where you are my support, my buddy; you help me back on track! I suppose that what MFP is for :) I especially like this post.. ” fuck you , future self” will be that voice when I’m mindlessly eating just to eat. Thank you for your inspiration !

Jaime Buckley (2 years ago)

Ashley,
I’ve finally found a place to be myself and take the first steps at getting my life back.

This was the perfect first read for me. SO many choices over the last 10 years I have screwed myself by simple, small “non” choices.

Thanks for the slap.

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